I so wish this conversation were fiction.
BANK REP: Welcome to (oh, let’s call them…Running Around Bank). My name is (insert). How can I be of assistance?
ME: I’m having trouble setting up a new payee for my online bills. The system doesn’t recognize my entry.
BANK REP: So, you’re having trouble setting something up online?
ME: Yes, a new payee for online bill payment. The system isn’t taking my entry.
BANK REP: Have you tried hitting ‘add payee’?
ME: Yes. That’s how I know there is a problem.
BANK REP: So, what is it you’re trying to do?
ME: :::sigh::: Set. Up. A. New. Payee.
BANK REP: So you’re trying to set up a new payee?
BANK REP: What seems to be the problem?
ME: I was kinda hoping you could tell me. When I enter the required information, the online system says it doesn’t recognize the payee
BANK REP: So you’re saying it isn’t working
ME: Actually, it’s working fine. I just missed your voice.
BANK REP: I’m sorry?
ME: I’m joking. Just wanted to see if you’re paying attention or texting. Yes, my entry isn’t working.
BANK REP: Yes?
ME: I know I’m hearing English from you. Do we need a translator?
BANK REP: You need a translator?
ME: No, I need to set up a new payee for my online banking. The system won’t let me. Who should I speak with?
BANK REP: I’m happy to help you with that sir.
BANK REP: I don’t understand, sir.
ME: That’s very obvious. (insert string of colorful words and phrases)